Woman By Scorpions

Here are my sweet and bitter memories of childhood memories back when I was in kindergarten. I attended An-Nur Kindergarten when I was 5 years and was there for 2 years. An-Nur Kindergarten was in An-Nur Mosque. It was a different kind of kindergarten because it was not government aided and lessons were infused with knowledge of Islam. I can’t remember if we were thought to pray but we were thought the basics Arabic alphabets and some prayers such as before eating.

I remember that as we queued up to go back home, somebody shit in his pants and it was very smelly.

I remember having a girlfriend back then and we would crawl on the floor together when the class was throwing things at each other. Her name is Shafiqah and she entered Si Ling Primary School which will later be the primary school I enter when I was 8 years old. We were together in primary school though. When I was in secondary school, I saw her at a restaurant called Al-Ameen and I was surprised because she was a WOMAN with dangerous curves. Last year, I saw her walking under my block with her gorgeous friend. We exchanged a few words and I regretted not asking for her number or at least her Facebook, not to be together, but to simply chat.

I remember leaving my slippers behind when I wanted to board the private bus home. The bus did not wait for me because i was searching for my slippers at an area where they couldn’t see me. I could not find it because I forgotten that I did not leave it at my usual spot. I found my slippers finally and in desperation, I went to a nearby tunnel which would bring me to the next stop the private bus would stop. Cool, calm & collected, I flagged down the bus and got home safely. The bus assistant told me that next time I should have waited at the mosque because it would go there again later to pick up the next batch of students. As I’m writing now, I’m smiling to myself because I am proud of taking that risk.

I remember that when a boy in the private bus wants to pee badly, the bus has to stop and the bus assistant would bring the boy to a tree and he would pee there. I think this is also the same for girls.’

I remember playing truant in school. When the assembly bell rang, I would wait in the toilet until all of them have gone to their classes. Some adults in the toilet would stare at me, but I would just ignore him. I can’t remember what I did with the free time I had. When classes ended, I would sneak back to the bus. I was surprised that all the students kept their mouth shut. My truancy ended when my brother told the teacher of me. It was fun while it lasted.

I remember the teacher/s giving a boy some chili padi because he could not answer a very simple question. It’s a bitter memory because the teacher brought the kid to our class and we were forced to watch and also because they punished him for his stupidity too much.

I remember there was a very small playground at the back of the mosque and now it’s gone. Sadly, I think we weren’t allowed to play there because it was only for the pre-kindergarten students.

I remember being the first group to complete a puzzle. I remember it because I found out that an easy way to solve puzzles was to do the corners, sides & then the rest.

I remember the teacher praising me to my mother for doing a Mathematics problem sum with ease. I swear it was as easy as 1+1=2.

I remember painting my nails black and embarrassingly, it was on picture taking day for graduation. I still have that embarrassing picture. From there, I see that it was since that age that I love the colour black.

I remember there was this toilet where a female lady would assist you in your peeing mission. I did not go there because I do not need assistance, shy of getting assistance and the door was open, so anybody passing by, could see the alliance. I think I was one of the few that urinated in the adult toilet and I did not urinate in the cubicle because I like my privacy and until now, I still do. If there’s nobody in the toilet, the rooms are full, I’m lazy or I need to urinate badly, only then do I use the cubicle.

The canteen was cute because there were this small tables and small chairs. I always prayed that cereal with milk was given because that was the most delicious on the menu.

I remember some of my classmates. This includes Istighfar, Fadil, Ashraff & one of Faris’ friends. I remember Istighfar because my neighbor& good friend, Solihin introduced me to him and I did not know that Istighfar was my neighbor. I remember Fadil because my mother made friends with his mother and then I realized that we were from the same kindergarten. The relationship later ended when I said “pepek” which is Malay for vagina in his house. He taught me this word but sadly, his sister told their mother. My mother and his mother then fought and they are not on shaking hands till today. Whenever we would pass each other, we would exchange impassive faces. I remember because we went to the same primary school and secondary school. I remember one of Faris’ friends because his face never changes. Faris and his friend doesn’t know this and Muhaimin, if you’re reading this, please remind me of this. I also remember one of my classmates because his face never changes and we went to the same religious school, Madrasah An-Nur but I never talked to him before.

Sharp Dressed Man by ZZ Top

I am ugly. I can see that. I choose to be ugly. I am not weird. I can choose to be handsome when I whenever I wish to. It’s just that I do not see being handsome bringing more benefit than being ugly.

Firstly I have not cut my hair short but just making it thin since O levels. The main reason for this is because I want to have the rocker image where long hair is a subconscious amplification influence when you play your music to your fanatics.  Other minor reasons include saving money and time from going to barbers. I know I look very handsome with short hair and I want to try a K-pop hairstyle to get the girls, but I do not crave for attention. Negatives of keeping a long hair are that it blocks your eyes, looks untidy if you do not straighten it and if it’s not straightened, you need to tie it up or use a headband. Adding on, you can’t experiment with hair gels, because it’ll just look the same unless you’re using it to have that shine effect. Two reasons as to why I may be considering of cutting my hair is because it takes a long time for it to grow very long and my hair is curly. For 2 years it has yet to reach shoulder length. I do not have the money to straighten my hair and so it looks kind of ugly.

Now on to the matter of facial and pubic hair, I do not shave everywhere. I have a thin moustache, not much pubic hair on my armpits, little pubic hair below the belly button and the one at the penis is confidential. Reasons for me not shaving is once again saving money and energy and I am not sure that if you shave, will it grow back longer.  I have tested this by cutting away the hair on the biggest toe on my right feet and the hair definitely grew longer. If I have a beard and a moustache I would not shave the beard but I would trim the moustache because these are the footsteps of the Islam prophets.

Moving on to body odor, I have a body odor that smells like sweaty Indians mixed with onions and strangely, I love that smell. The odor only comes when I’m at home apparently when the weather is very humid. If I go out and do some sports or sweat like a leaking tap, the odor does not enters the air. I use deodorant to not make myself smell bad but not to make myself smell good. Recently, I have bought an alcohol free perfume to make myself smell good. The perfume contains ethanol, which scientifically, is also considered alcohol. I also wanted to use the perfume at home because my mother complains of my body odor but I do not wear a shirt at home so I actually never use it at home. Here’s an interesting fact, aftershave is the smell that attracts the opposite sex and here’s the video link to prove it though I do not believe it because only one guinea pig was there, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSZajwsq1mM.

Take a look into my closet, and you’ll find many black shirts and some white male tank tops. The tank tops are to be worn at home because my mother does not want me to be shirtless at home but let’s face, Singapore is damn humid. Pity those girls with extra clothing. I wear any shirt to school but of course, when it comes to special occasion, I become a little choosier. I share shirts with my brother and sometime he does not like it, but I do not care because he uses a lot of my things like my internet, xbox, and bicycle. The usual reason as to why I wear boring clothes, which are financial constraints.

Well, even if I am King Midas, I would dress like an average Joe. I guess my reason for this is because people will want to be friends with you because you’re rich or good-looking. Adding on, I would know that it is but my inside that I get my friends and hopefully a wife and these people will stick through the thick and thin with me. So as of now, this ugly poor man will one day be rich and simply a SHARP DRESSED MAN but those who have mistreated him will simply be ignored.

Again by Alice In Chains

So I went to a 3 days 2 nights chalet with my year 1 semester 1 classmates and after that, I went to a 2 days 1 night chalet with my School of Technological Arts Friends.

Day 1

Before reaching the meeting place, I went to buy Singapore’s famous mee goreng at Haig Road for two of my friends and one for myself. On my way there, there was loud music at a nearby Shopping mall. The music was by Starhub to promote something I guess. 2 Philippines domestic worker danced to the music as if they were in a club and swarming around them were Indian foreign workers sitting on the floor gawking at them. As I walked, the security guard came and they stopped dancing but when the guard left, they continued. I need more foreigners like these to spice up the everyday norms in Singapore.  Stepped into Costa Sands at about 3pm and the boys immediately played Monopoly Deal. The room was very small and there were two beds and two pull out beds. There was only 1 toilet and our chalet was on the first floor. The girls had to wait for us to finish our game before heading for Fair Price to buy all the BBQ stuffs. Samantha and Nicholas came after we bought our BBQ stuffs. Later on some of Pei Jin’s friends came over because it was her birthday. One of them had this cool handbag which looked like a cushion and triangle in shape. Pei Jin’s friend then wanted to play Monopoly Deal so I had to watch over them because I wanted my cards in mint condition. The birthday girl’s mom then came and gave us the marinated chicken. I did not eat much at the BBQ because I was not sure if the chicken was Halal.  The birthday cake was delicious and soon, her friends left. Watched The Tunnel and later we played Police and Murderer. During the game, I pretended to look at Nicholas’ phone to see what song is being played but actually I was blinking my eyes at Nicholas & Pei Jin. There were 5 players left, I blinked at Pei Jin but she did not put down her card, so I blinked again only to realize she is the police. On another game, after seeing my card, I immediately blinked at those who have receive their cards and 3 players were dead when the game was about to start. Darkness crept and 4 girls slept on the bed, 5 guys on the pull out bed and 4 more on the floor. I slept on the pull out bed and there wasn’t space, so all the guys weren’t able to put their hands on the bed.

Day 2

Woke up around 10 and the boys were already gone to have their breakfast. After showering, I joined Nicholas and the girls to have breakfast at MacDonald. I have not had Macdonald breakfast for the past 3 or 4 years. Later on, we went to Wild Wild Wet. The ticket price could have been reduced by paying through a POSB card which I had told Pei Jin, but oh well. Wild Wild Wet was fun and we spent most of the time at Tsunami. Water entered my lungs as an onslaught waves attacked me, so I swam away from the waves to catch my breath. We played around with this giant inflatable ball at the Tsunami. After that, we stepped into the Jacuzzi only to see a teenage couple making out and a couple of their friends. Some of us decided to disturb the couple by going to them only to pretend to play with the waterfall. BBQ for the second time and I ate a little as usual. Some of them watched Guilty Crown while others ate. Some of the girls later went somewhere and we watched two episodes of Kitchen Nightmares and it was fun. So, I watch some episodes of Kitchen Nightmares at home. We joked around until all of us slept. Pei Jin was asking me if she knows the TV programme How I Met Your Mother and I replied I met her at yesterday’s BBQ and everyone laughed.

Day 3

Everybody was asleep from the jokes and laughter but I could not sleep because my neck was sore. I sit and slept for about 1 to 2 hours and finally went back to bed because there was now space in the bed. The morning light shined into our room and we went for breakfast. Samantha, Wan Lin, Pei Jin, Nicholas and I then took bus 58 to Ikea. Walked around and I had 15 meatballs with jam. I know it looks weird eating meatballs with jam, but it’s surprisingly a nice combination. Took 58 back to Pasir Ris and I got lost finding Aloha Loyang. Reached there but there were only 3 girls and 1 guy. The guy was Malay but he had a thunder tattoo on his hand. The chalet mansion was very big. There were 4 bedrooms, 1 open barbeque area, 1 kitchen, 1 hall, 1 dining area and a total of 5 toilets. As the clock ticked, more people flocked in to the chalet. Some came late and some left early. My rough estimation is that 75% are from Diploma in Sonic Arts, 80% smoke, and 50% drink. Luke and I barbequed most of the food and the food was delicious, especially the chicken wings. There was nothing much to do over there as everybody was just chatting here and there.There was this Tamil guy who came here by car and I wanted to hop on because I really love cars but he declined.  I played Monopoly Deal with some inexperienced strangers. I had three “Just Say No” cards and I lied to one person when he wanted to deal break another person suggesting that that person might have a “Just Say No”. I was introduced to a new card game called Pig and we played but stopped in the middle because the vodka was already bought. I think about 3 Malays drank and that disappointed me. Half of the people in the chalet drank and the others took a walk to Pasir Ris Park and rest in their rooms.

Day 4

Those handful of people who walked to Pasir Ris Park consisted of 5 malay guys including myself, 1 chinese guy and 1 tipsy girl.  We walked through Pasir Ris Park to a Macdonald which is about 5 minutes’ walk from Pasir Ris MRT station. The tipsy girl vomited about 5 times and she exclaimed her sadness about her chicken wings being wasted because it was in the vomit. Looking at her, I confirmed to myself that I am never going to drink even if I am not a Muslim. As we walked through a dark walkway, some of the guys said they saw images, but I saw nothing. When we reached back to the chalet, a couple of people played Frisbee and some were sleeping because of the alcohol intake. I had like short naps in the chalet here and there and that kept me awake even though I had slept much the previous night. Around 7am, I cooked my instant noodles and those who looked at me eating were craving for it. I cooked another packet because I was very hungry but they wanted it so I gave it to them and one of them ran away with it while eating a big mouthful of it. We then checked out and I accompanied four of my friends to subway for their breakfast. I went home with Aik Siang and took bus 58 AGAIN to Ikea and then taking bus 168 from there to Woodlands interchange.

I’d say that the 2 days 1 night chalet was much more fun than the 3days 2 nights one because I met new people, ate barbeque food, the jokes shared were funnier and able to see the after effects of drinking.