Starting off, my mother bakes chocolate chips during the last week of Ramadhan (fasting month). Total in all, we've baked around 2000-3000 cookies. Baking those cookies is not like finding a needle in a haystack, it's like finding that hay which is 1cm longer than the rest. This is because she's very fussy, she gets angry easily and the whole process is inefficient. Even after baking it for more than 15 years, she admits that the process and those cookies are not perfect. Her anger is the biggest reason for the depressing week. You get scolded for the smallest mistake most of which is not my fault. During that whole week, I've experimented something. I try not to argue with her even though she's wrong. The results are as such, she realizes that I've stopped my so call rebuttal and appreciates it, however she barely appreciates it because by then, I would have caused another mistake. I feel very submissive not arguing and awkward as I have been arguing with her for a long time. Regardless of which, I feel better arguing because I feel empowered and so then she realises her mistake. The verdict is as such, for small mistakes I will not argue, but for big mistakes, I'll argue and this is all beyond reasonable doubt.
Besides cookies, there also a lot of chores that needs attention. Most of which is buying products. I do not hate doing them and neither am I in smitten with it. Who loves doing work? Unless you choose to then it's understandable. Even though I do not hate doing it, it's the bloody fact that my mother does not appreciate but continues flooding with more chores. Just to let you know, I've had all my Poly tests during the last week of Ramadhan and yet, I still helped my mother. My other two siblings occasionally helped because they were having their Preliminary Examinations. My younger brother and is having his O Levels this year and my lovely sister is having her PSLE.
The first day of Hari Raya is always a surprise. It can turn out to be very good,bad or average. This is because my mother is unstable. For this year it was average because we shared happy moments however my profit was only 14 dollars and we only went to 3 houses. Last year, was bad because my mother wanted me and my brother to go home because we could not find one of her relatives house. However as we were walking towards the MRT station, she changed her mind. Read this, the first day of Hari Raya is not fun to me because my mother never visits her parents house because she hates them and her siblings and also my father's parent house because they're divorced. Lookin at my relatives makes me even jealous, an example would be http://www.facebook.com/finabieber. Adding on, I can't remember the last time I bought new Hari Raya clothes.
The jealousy, loneliness and sadness that resides in my body when I see people happily celebrating Hari Raya on the streets of Singapore and also those cheerful pictures at Facebook reminds me how unlucky I am to be in this family. Everything is in tatters and bits. The reason why I do not let anybody to come to my house is because of the stress provided by my mother when she asks me to prepare the food and so on. And then of course, there's that sudden burst of anger from her. Last year, I gave chocolate chips to my friends who visited my house. I gave them the wrong cookies as they were meant for my brother's friend even after asking my mother if I had given the right cookies for 3 times in clear verbal communication. Then she replied, "if I asked you to eat shit, make sure you eat it". Of course I got very angry and shouted at her and so on. To LOVE, HATE, LOVE my mother. That represent my indecisiveness towards my mother, should I love her or not? Concluding, please take your time to listen to this as it represent the hatred that plagues my thoughts and my heart, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9jX1KAKp78.
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